Making Real Connections in a Self-Centered World

I have a new friend. He’s 84 years old. And the other day he invited me out to lunch.

So during lunch, I mentioned to him that I really like to know people. Things like what they were like as a child, what makes them come alive—things like that. What’s deep inside them that makes them tick. And conversely, I like to share and be known by them.

So then he starts to talk and goes on all about himself. He doesn’t ask anything about me. It goes on, and on, and on. And I can feel the fire in me, growing dimmer. Now I think to myself, “I can’t wait for this lunch to be over.”

And then I try to change the conversation. I tell him something about me. And then I can start to feel the fire coming back a little bit.

But he ignores it. He just keeps going on about himself, and the fire is going out again.

So I mention this story for a couple reasons.

First, how often have we found ourselves in similar situations, where our attempts at connection are met with indifference or distraction? How often have we wanted someone to truly see us, to acknowledge our presence and our humanity on a deeper level?

Conversely, are there ways in which we can see ourselves as my new friend in the story? Do we make space for others to be heard, or are we drowning out their voices with our own? Are we fostering genuine connections, or are we merely going through the motions, content to skim the surface of our interactions?

Second is that real, one-to-one conversation connecting people in a meaningful way seems to be a lost art. Mobile device screens, social media, the pandemic, remote work—all of these have combined to change how we interact with each other.

A recent survey from Preply was fascinating to me. It found that most Americans (7 out of 10 people) prefer silence to casual conversation. And 2 out of 3 people think small talk is awkward.

This is especially true for our younger generations, who are more prone to suffer from social anxiety. In fact, almost 9 out of 10 people from Gen Z would rather check their mobile phone than start up a conversation with someone.

Building genuine connections requires vulnerability. It means being willing to share our own thoughts and feelings, even when it feels uncomfortable. When we open up to others, it creates a space for deeper understanding and connection to flourish.

So, how can we put this into practice ourselves?

Practice Active Listening: When you’re in a conversation, really listen to what the other person is saying. Ask follow-up questions and show genuine interest in their experiences.


Be Present: Put away distractions and focus on the person in front of you. Make eye contact, nod, and show that you’re fully engaged in the conversation.


Be Vulnerable: Share your own thoughts and feelings authentically. It’s okay to let your guard down and show your true self. In fact, it’s often what deepens connections the most.


These simple practices can help create deeper, more meaningful interactions with those around us.  

Whether it’s with friends, family, or even strangers, the power of human connection is one of the amazing things that makes it wonderful to be alive.

– Jack

Let’s talk!