Civility: Allies or Enemies?

Civility is defined as courtesy, politeness; a polite act or expression. A few observations about civility:

1. The world works better with more civility.
2. Civility is something each of us can choose.
3. We can choose civility at any moment each day.

In previous posts we focused on getting over yourself, making who you are BEING at least as important as what you are DOING and the critical skill of listening well.  Now, we add managing the impact you are having on each person you meet.

Some people seem to lack awareness of when they are being offensive or off-putting.  They don’t notice people backing off or shutting down because they are standing too close, saying things that are inappropriate or dominating interactions.

Others may notice but they don’t care.  They are too focused on their personal agenda or so egotistical that they think it doesn’t matter how many people they offend.  But they would be well served to realize the overwhelming value of having many allies and as few enemies as possible.

Allies want to see you succeed.  They extend you the benefit of the doubt when your judgment is questionable.  They gladly help you when you need support and come to your aid if you are in trouble.  You can’t have too many allies.

On the other hand, enemies are dangerous.   They root for you to fail.  They will join forces to erode support you have from others.  They will undermine you whenever they get the chance.  Even one enemy can bring you down.

The key to gaining allies and avoiding enemies is to treat everyone with respect and dignity regardless of who they are.  Practice with the people who bag your groceries or deliver your mail.  Be friendly.  Show interest in their lives.  Notice what lights them up and what shuts them down and do more of the former and less of the latter.